Looking Back 1 Year Means Looking Forward To Many More

Perspective. If nothing else that the year 2012 has taught me, it’s that everything in life is all about perspective. I could easily say that 2012 sucked. I lost my father. My brothers’ health is doing nothing to get better. Neither is mine.

And then perspective kicks in.

My father, God bless his soul, and I have not been close the last 20 years of my life. The best sense I can make out of that is that my brother, sister and I all had our “close times” with him. My sister, for example, was close to him in my younger years. Then it was my turn as I became a teenager and we had horses in common. He even took me on my first “date” because he found me crying in the barn because everyone I knew at school had boyfriends and I didn’t. He took me to the movies…”Crocodile Dundee”. Once I hit my 20’s and moved to the lower mainland, my brother and my dad got close.

The beauty of my relationship with my father is that now when he’s passed, I feel more spiritually close to him. The day after he passed, I found a toy plastic black horse on my front steps. While we were close, he had a jet-black horse (never turned brown in the winter, which is rare). Whenever I watch Crocodile Dundee (I have it saved on the PVR), I can feel him sit next to me on the couch. Those moments of closeness with him that I experience now I would have never felt before. I know he’s in a much better, happier place with my Oma and Opa.

Then there is my brothers’ health. He suffers from a host of medical problems and honestly, should have died many years ago…I just always say that he’s never gotten the good grace to lay down yet. Not nice you say? Well, it’s true. My brother is tough. With all the seizures, heart attacks and strokes he’s had over the last several years, he is someone I admire greatly. I too am starting to develop health issues and although he and I lead very different lives, he’s someone I look up to and he gives me great strength to try and make the best out of everything that life can throw our way.

2012 has been an amazing year for sure. I am not going to make New Years’ resolutions because I think it’s more important to give thanks for what I have, which also opens doors and clears pathways for more of the good things to come my way. Although I miss my father very much, I give thanks that he isn’t suffering anymore and that we can still be close. I look around me while I am writing this and see holes in the wall from where the handrail on the stairs should be as my autistic son used the railing one too many times to try and climb the walls in the stairwell. I could be irritated with it (I certainly want it fixed) and can’t help but be thankful that he is such a creative individual, one who does destroy some things around the house with that same creativity, but also someone who has one of the most gentle hearts that I’ve ever met.

I look at my other kids and am amazed with the fact that I am so blessed to have them all. Although we can always want them to be a bit different i.e. more motivated, they also are the most caring kids I have ever had the pleasure to know…and they’re mine! I know some people who dread the phone ringing at night because their kids have gotten into some sort of trouble, and I am not one of those.

I look at my community, my neighbours and my friends and can’t understand how I landed in such a great community. My neighbours are the most understanding as my autistic son visits somewhat regularily unannounced and turns on their washing machine (yes, we are desperately trying to get him to stop, but we are truly blessed with our neighbours). My friends accept my quirk of never calling them. We can literally go for years without talking, and then bump into eachother one day and talk as if no time has passed.

I am blessed with a very understanding husband. His love for me and his inate ability to treat me as a Queen, well, I just wish the same qualities for all my friends to find. We certainly have gone through our tribulations, but he’s an amazing man.

And then I can’t count my blessings without looking at myself. No, I do not want to sound pompous or anything, but I do feel the need to touch on myself. I’m far from perfect, but I do must say I am very proud of how my life has turned out. Despite others not agreeing with some of the choices I have made in my life, I can honestly say that there isn’t a single major life decision that I have made that I have regretted. Some of those decisions were down-right brutal to follow through with, but the rewards in the end were, what I believe, much more enriching than taking the easy way out would have been. While it’s been slowly happening over the last decade, I’ve really come to understand that my spiritual path has changed direction, which also has helped me with this whole Perspective thing. I’ve decided to step down from volunteering for a while and focus back on my family, and writing. We have a wonderful new addition to our family, a beagle named George. He fits so naturally well into our family, he even snores (thankfully louder than most in the house). Although we always wish to win the lottery, in so many ways, we already have. At least we have all the things money CAN’T buy anyway…although now we wouldn’t turn our nose up at all the things that money could, but at least we have what is most important to a happy life…love, a sense of humour, patience, understanding and each other to share all that with.

So, as I am sitting in the last few hours of 2012, I look forward to many more years. I’ve never had quite a year as this one, and I’ve never had quite a year potentially take so much from me, when it actually gave me so much more in return. May this year and future ones to come be as life-enriching to you as I feel ours is going to be.

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